(Here’s a song I listened to while writing this letter.)1
I’ve been in the thick of change lately. My armoring is softening. The lines I’ve drawn around me and my various identities are blurring. My boundaries and desires and pleasures are shifting. As I continue to stretch, grow, and emerge, I’m noticing some lessons landing for me that I am learning in this process—and not just learning but embodying.
In my somatic intensive, a quote that my instructors say often is that “Knowledge is only rumor until it lives in the tissues.”2 And truly, so much of what I’m learning right now is not new to me. I’ve come across them before and have been cycling through these lessons for most of my life. But they’re hitting differently because those learnings are finally settling in my body.
I am embodying change.3 Here’s some of the knowledge that is finally beginning to land in my tissues.
Being in relationship with the intersections of my identities is only useful if they’re not boxing me in from my aliveness, if they’re inhibiting my ability to be free to change my mind. I am learning the paradox that my identities are not actually me.
Who I am when I am armored might feel familiar but it doesn’t feel good. I am learning what true pleasure actually means and feels like when I am soft.
Radical honesty and transparency are important, but not if it’s at the cost of hurting the ones I love. I am learning pacing with my truthtelling.
The people who love me really, really want to love me. That love won’t ever land fully for me (or them) if I lack the ability to fully receive it. I am learning how to fully let love in.